Jersey Couture

THE SCENE: Montclair, NJ

THE ACTION: Walking the dog through town to Anderson Park

On the way to the park, Mike--one of the owners of Murph’s Sporting Goods—remarks that Bruce is a lucky dog, because he gets a nice, long walk every day.

In the park, the older woman with the fading memory sits with her two little Yorkies, who run around “off leash,” but never stray far from her bench. Two extremely fit Montclair State University athletes come jogging by—he, tall and African American; she, short with bright red hair. Around the park, other senior citizens sit on benches—some with little dogs, some just gazing out over the field. A dad throws a softball to his daughter, who is wearing her blue and white team uniform. Another dad swings his older son by his arms, while his younger son jumps up and down in eager anticipation for his turn—the grandfather pushes a third child in a stroller. A pretty young mom with a blond ponytail pushes her double stroller at a fairly fast clip, while another young woman tries (somewhat unsuccessfully) to get her dog to catch-up to her gait.

On my IPod (coincidentally), a song by Bruce comes on, followed by Queen Latifah, and Southside Johnny—New Jersey artists all. Walking Bruce while listening to Bruce and not a big-haired, loud-mouthed person in sight—this is my kind of Jersey Couture.

One of Those People

My Corgi’s morning walk begins with a short hike up our street, a brief segment in our little downtown area, followed by a trip around almost 15 acres of a park designed by the stepson of Frederick Law Olmstead. This is not a bad little trip for a dog—he meets friendly people, friendly and not-so-friendly dogs, and smells things that I don’t find too friendly, but he loves. All in all, I do not believe my dog is underprivileged in any way by the fact that I speak on my cell phone…with my hands-free device…while I walk.

If I didn’t walk and talk, I would not have the time to call many people back. I might even have to cut the walk short to get back home and return some calls! I still run with him when he wants to run and stop with him when he wants to sniff and pick up his poop whenever it pleases him to produce some. It is for all these reasons that I take umbrage at the man, the stranger, who decided to judge me and label me just the other day.

I was on the return trip and I was speaking with my Aunt Maureen on the phone. We were conversing about my mother, who is a young Alzheimer’s victim. Maureen and I speak frequently about my mother’s condition and support each other after we’ve spent time with her. It is a difficult situation and we all could not get through this without frequent “detox” discussions.

Maureen was relating a particularly painful exchange that she and my mother had the previous day. Bruce and I were waiting for the light to change on the corner. A skinny, middle-aged man wearing shorts (in April in New Jersey) started to pet my dog. He asked me, “Is it a Corgi?” Still listening intently to my aunt, I nodded yes. The man said, “What’s his name?” I answered, “Bruce” and continued to listen to my aunt while smiling politely at the man. When he noticed my earpiece, he looked at me with disdain and said, “Oh, you’re one of those people!”

It has taken me a few days to realize how angry that made me. I told another mother in the park this morning. She said, “Doesn’t he know that every woman with kids must be a multi-tasker?” And the truth is, he doesn’t. Isn’t it easier to discount all the people you see talking on their cell phones as self-absorbed ne’er-do-wells? Especially if they are women?

I daresay this inappropriately-dressed-for-the-weather guy would not have said the same thing to a man walking his dog. Would he have said the same thing to my husband? A man walking his dog and talking on his cell, must be saying something important!

I have no time to talk to people on the phone without doing at least one other thing. I have now adopted the “hands-free device while making a salad” routine. I only watch TV while running on the treadmill. I send text messages while I am in the bathtub. I do catalogue shopping while I am on the toilet—I simply rip out items I want and when I am finished in the bathroom, I go to my office and order them online. If I have any more phone calls to make, I will make those calls while ordering those items I picked out on the toilet.

I am a part-time lecturer at a local university. I am a freelance television reporter and an actor. I am writing a book and trying to self-publish another. I am working on my doctorate in criminal justice. I have a seventeen-year-old daughter and a sick mother. I barely have time to breathe, but I’m trying to do the right thing for everyone all the time. I guess I’m just one of those people.